ugly people sure do ruin things
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
