She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
