i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
