I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
