Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
