Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
