I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
3 2 1 whiskey
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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