Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
