I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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