i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
