Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
