Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
