There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
