God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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