She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
