one two three fourrrrnication!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
