The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
