I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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