Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
