My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
