new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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