so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
