I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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