if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
