The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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