Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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