the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
