More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
