tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
