Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
