I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
