Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
