....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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