they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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