what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
