Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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