trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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