glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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