you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
