remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
