I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Life is so much better after having sex.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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