I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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