they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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