i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
