we're blogging at a bar
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
