So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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