I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
