The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
