you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
