Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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