So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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