i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
