You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
