So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
