'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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